TRIGGERED REACTIONS
When an internal reaction that we had during a past event comes back up in response to something happening in the present,
it is commonly said that we are triggered.
This can happen, if some aspect of the present situation is similar in some way to the past event.
If the past event was an unresolved trauma, strong negative emotions typically come up,
and we may become emotionally dysregulated, unable to control our emotions or how we respond to them.
We may have an angry outburst, feel terrified or overwhelmed, or do something impulsive or compulsive.
To others, our reaction may seem out of proportion to the current situation (because it is).
To us, our reaction will seem completely appropriate (because it was apppropriate in the original situation it is connected to).
This association between the present and the past is usually happening subconsciously.
We may not be aware that we are triggered or even consciously remember the traumatic event from our past.
The most helpful thing someone can do when we get triggered is tell us, "Calm down! You're over-reacting."
Just kidding! That doesn't help at all.
Unless they hand us a mint when they say it.
(Still kidding!)
Our dysregulated, or curiously strong, emotional reactions can cause problems in relationships, school, work, and daily life.
SURVIVAL
What is happening when we are triggered? If the trigger is related to unresolved trauma...
The brain is associating something that is happening now with something traumatic that happened in the past
(that never got resolved), so our nervous system goes into Survival mode, because trauma is about survival (safety).
We instantly start reliving the trauma, and our nervous system becomes dysregulated,
meaning it inappropriately goes into Survival mode.
(It is inappropriate because there is no actual threat now.)
We are seeing false evidence that appears real, because we are seeing the present situation
through the filter of the past, when there was a real threat present.
(Part of us even regresses back to the age we were, when the past trauma occurred.)
When we enter Survival mode, our primitive, survival brain takes over. That is the oldest part of the brain (the brain stem).
It is responsible for basic functions and survival activities.
It is sometimes called the Reptilian brain - probably because reptiles are viewed as solitary creatures.
(They're actually more social than we think.)
In Survival mode, we cannot access our frontal lobe (prefrontal cortex).
That part of the brain houses many of our higher cognitive functions and is active when we are in Social Engagement mode
(aka Safe & Social or Rest & Digest mode).
In Survival mode, Social Engagement mode is switched off.
- Cortex Off - No Logic or Reason
- No ability to Take in Advice (including ability to utilize Talk Therapy)
- No Self-Reflection (looking at who/how we are being)
- No ability to Understand the Consequences of our Actions
- No Decision-Making ability
- Brain Stem On - We are acting on Pure Instinct
- Cortex Off - No Social Graces (Anything having to do with being social temporarily goes out the window)
- No Loving feelings towards others
- No Caring about others, about their needs, or about getting along with them
- Cannot see the Good in others
- No desire to Cooperate
- Prior Promises, Agreements, and Contracts do not matter right now
(They will matter again, when the nervous system is back in Safe & Social mode) - Brain Stem On - All that matters is Surviving the next 2 minutes (not being social)
The body is flooded with adrenaline, activating the fight or flight responses.
If we cannot fight or flee, then the freeze or fawn responses will be activated. - Fight = Kill or Be Killed, Fight, Bite, Argue, Yell, Confront, Stand Up For/Against Something, Make someone Obey, Make Someone Listen to what we have to say, Make someone understand
- Flight = Get Away, Run, Leave, Quit a Job, Move, Leave a Relationship, Hide
- Freeze = Collapse, Immobilization, Feel Paralyzed, Energy is Restricted/Constrained, Feel Drained/Tired, Can't Take Action
- Fawn = People-Please to ensure safety by appeasing or placating an aggressor or getting on their good side (being liked or at least not hated) in order to avoid conflict, not incur wrath, and not be seen as a threat.
When we are triggered, the Limbic System, which is the Emotional Center of the Brain, is also active.
There is no perception of time in the Limbic System. There is no Past or Future, only the Present Moment (Now).
- Limbic On - Intense Emotion & No Time (It feels like the past is happening NOW, and we are reliving the trauma)
PHYSICAL SIGNS
Physical Signs of Survival mode include:
- Our heart might start beating really fast.
- Breathing may become rapid or shallow, we might hold our breath, or we might feel out of breath.
- Our legs or hands might tremble (from the adrenaline coursing through our body)
- Heightened Startle Response
- In Freeze mode, opioids for pain relief are released and blood flow to the limbs is reduced (so that damage to them will be less deadly).
- Our knees might feel weak, all of a sudden
- Dissociation
- clumsiness (e.g. dropping things or bumping into things resulting in bruises that, later, we do not know how we got)
- losing, leaving or forgetting things
- accidentally locking our keys in the car or house
- needing to reread something or hear something repeated several times before we can absorb it.
- Fatigue
It is common to feel tired when triggered.
(We often feel energized, after neutralizing the past trauma.)
(Though sometimes we need a nap because the adrenaline from being triggered kept us from getting adequate sleep.) - Getting Sick
We are more vulnerable to catching whatever is going around when we are triggered, because energy and other resources are diverted away from the immune system to other areas of the body (such as limbs or heart) that are more vital to immediate survival. - Loss of Appetite
Energy and resources are also re-routed from the digestive system to other areas of the body that are more vital to immediate survival. - Loss of Libido
Energy and resources are also re-routed from the reproductive system to other areas of the body that are more vital to immediate survival. - Body language changes - crossing arms, flinching, cringing, shrinking into ourselves, stiff posture, erratic or jerky movements.
- Facial expression changes - wincing, frowning, scowling, worried or fearful expression, blank or spacey look.
- There may be an aversion to eye contact or physical touch.
- Tone of voice changes. (E.G. Evolutionarily, a loud, shrill tone allowed women to alert the village of a threat from a distance, while a loud, booming voice did so for men.)
- The ears may tune out mid-range frequencies, which include the human voice, making it difficult to hear (and therefore absorb or understand) what someone is saying.
MENTAL & EMOTIONAL SIGNS
Developing awareness of when we are triggered is essential for breaking the cycle of trauma.
It is most often hindsight that teaches us what our individual signs are.
Over time we become aware of increasingly more subtle signs.
Common Signs of being triggered:
- Thoughts are bouncing all over the place.
- Racing thoughts.
- Ruminating thoughts - Going over something that happened (or that we fear might happen or happen again) over and over.
- Feeling an urgent need to resolve a problem immediately by taking swift action.
- Feeling an urgent need to talk to someone - to confront, explain, defend, make them understand, or ask clarifying questions.
- Feeling an urgent need to create new rules or set boundaries around the behavior of other people, so we will feel safe.
- Feeling an urgent need to notify others about our boundaries and get them to agree to honor our boundaries.
- Feeling Upset
- Any Negative Emotion - anger, irritation, annoyance, grief, sadness, hurt, fear, worry, embarrassment, humiliation, shame, etc
- Feeling Down
- Feeling "Off"
- Doubt
- Indecision
- Ambiguity (feeling two opposing, or exact opposite, ways about something)
- Resistance
- Procrastination
- No Sense of Humor - that goes out the window, when we're triggered.
(A sign that we're coming out of the triggered state is that our sense of humor returns, and we can even laugh at ourselves.) - Easily Triggered - We are more triggerable, when we are already in a triggered state.
If we find ourselves getting triggered about things that normally don't bother us, that is a big clue that we were probably already triggered about something else.
(Secondary triggers instantly vanish, after the primary trigger is found and the underlying trauma is neutralized.)
What Not To Do When Triggered
Engage with Others
I have learned that there are certain things I need to refrain from doing when I'm triggered.
- I do not go shopping or run errands.
- I do not go to any appointments - I reschedule or cancel, if it is at all possible (to do so without penalty).
- I do not act on my feelings.
- I do not speak, including to inform, educate, defend/explain myself, try to set a boundary, or even ask clarifying questions.
I sometimes strongly believe that I need to ask a clarifying question in order to understand the situation better or understand what the other person meant by what they said or did.
I don't.
I always manage to uncover and neutralize my past trauma without asking the other person involved to explain anything to me.
It is not about them or what they meant or their perception of what I said or did.
It is about the view that I took about what happened. What I perceived and what I made of it. What came up for me. - I do not make phone calls.
- I do not leave a note.
- I do not send emails.
- I do not send text messages.
I practice restraint of tongue, pen and fingers when triggered.
Any actions I take while in a triggered state are likely to go wrong, have bad results, and/or create more problems.
There's no problem a triggered state can't make worse.
When triggered, it is common to feel an urgent need to resolve a problem by speaking or taking swift action.
This is usually a bad idea. Although my intentions are good, the results will likely be bad,
making the situation worse, rather than better
After the past trauma is neutralized, I become aware of what my present needs really are,
and then I can take appropriate action to meet those needs.
The desire to speak or take swift action to resolve a problem tends to vanish, once the past trauma is resolved.
The urge to inform others of my boundaries typically vanishes, too, and I set boundaries (healthy limits)
internally around my own behavior, instead of trying to control what other people say or do.
Once the anchor is neutralized, my nervous system switches from survival mode back into Social Engagement
(Safe and Social) mode.
Then I can interact safely with others.
Then I will be open to logic and reason and able to apply it to my current situation.
I will reconnect with my loving, caring feelings towards others and return to honoring promises,
agreements and contracts.
My digestive, immune and reproductive systems will come back online.
The exception to the no-speak/no-act rule of thumb is reaching out for help to de-escalate my triggered reaction and
neutralize the underlying trauma.
What To Do When Triggered
Regulate To De-Escalate
Regulating a dysregulated nervous system reduces the intensity of a triggered reaction.
Goal = Recognize when I am triggered and Calm my nervous system down, so I can regain some access to the Cortex.
It is best if the de-escalation techniques we use match our state
(and, of course, our individual needs).
Sympathetic Dominance (Survival mode) has 2 main states: activation and shutdown.
Activation (Fight or Flight mode) is a high energy state.
There is a lot of energy, anxiety, or frustration.
We probably need an energetic de-escalation activity to match.
A bubble bath isn't a good match for a high energy activation state.
Going for a walk, dancing, exercising or listening to loud music would be a better match.
We are designed to go in & out of Fight or Flight quickly (in minutes or seconds).
Taking a 10-minute break can work wonders, if I am in fight or flight mode.
Shutdown (Freeze mode) is a very low energy state.
It is not the time to do something that has a lot of energy.
In shutdown, a bubble bath, quiet solitude, journaling, or working on a creative project alone might be a good match.
Complete silence might also be necessary, since any sound can be over-stimulating, and therefore irritating, in shutdown.
Freeze response is a more extreme survival reaction, and it takes a lot longer (often hours) to come out of Freeze than it does to come out of Fight or Flight.
It typically takes me 2-3 hours to come out of freeze mode, and that is when I am using de-escalation techniques.
De-escalation is unique to each individual.
Movement and nature might be very regulating for one person.
In activation, it could be a long hike in the mountains.
In shutdown, it could be a very slow walk around the neighborhood.
But walking might not work at all for someone else.