CHANGE LOCATION
The very first thing I need to do, whenever I am triggered, is change location
to remove myself from the triggering situation, if at all possible.
Moving to a different location - even if it is only to another room a few feet away and even if it is only for a few minutes -
gives me space & time to de-escalate my triggered reaction.
Logic and reason (frontal lobe activities) do not work on us when we are triggered,
because our prefrontal cortex is switched off.
Therefore, almost nothing anyone can say will help.
It is best for people just not to engage with us, until our nervous system is regulated again.
It can also be helpful to get away from other people involved in the situation, if they are triggered, too,
because their dysregulated nervous system can further dysregulate ours - and vice versa -
causing the situation to escalate.
Some ways we can change location:
- Move to another room
- Go to the restroom to get a few minutes alone
- Go outside
- Take a walk
- Sit on a bench
- Sit in a car
- Drive to a safer location (e.g. park, nature preserve, rest stop, bookstore, library, department store, thrift store, hotel)
- End a phone call
If I am dealing with someone with abandonment issues, they will probably get triggered by my desire to leave.
It helps if I tell them that my nervous system is dysregulated and I need a 10, 20 or 30 minute break
(or I need to leave for an hour or two or a few hours) - to take care of my nervous system and get regulated again.
Then I will be calm enough to come back and talk things out.
They will not believe me at first, but after seeing that I consistently come back when I say I will,
they will eventually feel less and less fearful when I leave.
It can be extremely difficult to take the time to reassure someone, when we ourselves are triggered,
because our brain is not in Social Engagement mode. This makes it difficult to do social
things like caring about how another person feels or communicating.
Although it is not easy, it can be done and it is worthwhile.