PREVENTION
There is not a whole lot we can do to stop ourselves from getting triggered
or to prevent triggers from happening.
Triggering is an automatic reaction.
Triggers most often occur when we are taken by surprise - caught off-guard by something sudden and unexpected.
Whenever we are around people, the chances of getting triggered go up.
All that said, below are a few things I know about that we can do to reduce how often we get triggered.
AVOID LOW BLOOD SUGAR
We are more vulnerable to triggering when our biochemistry is off.
Our biochemistry can be affected by nutrition, how rested we are, and if we have had enough exercise.
One of the most important things we can do, to avoid triggering, is take care of our nutritional needs.
Low blood sugar can lead to angry outbursts, arguments and fights.
Domestic violence has been found (95%) to be directly linked to skipping a meal, especially breakfast.
We can stay off the drama triangle by avoiding blood sugar dips.
Tips for Avoiding the Dips...
- Eat 3 meals a day. Don't skip any meals.
- Carry snacks in case a meal is delayed.
- Carry whey protein bars or whey chips (containing 20g of protein), in case a meal is missed.
Whey quickly raises glucose levels, without causing a spike or crash. (Note: Whey is dairy, so it contains lactose.)
I take snacks with me whenever I run errands, in case the errands take longer than I expect.
I take snacks and whey protein chips with me when I travel. (each bag of chips contains 19g of protein)
(I find the whey protein bars to be too sugary for my taste.)
HALT PTSS
AA has a slogan called HALT.
Being too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired can make a recovering alcoholic more vulnerable to picking up a drink.
If a recovering alcoholic is any of those things (or a combination), they are supposed to immediately stop (halt)
whatever they are doing and take care of their hunger, anger, loneliness and/or tiredness.
Well, when it comes to recovering from unhealed trauma, we need to add Pain, Triggered, Sick, and Stressed to the equation.
We are way more vulnerable to getting triggered if we are too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, in physical Pain,
already Triggered about something, Sick, or Stressed.
If I am experiencing any of those things, I need to halt (stop whatever I am doing) and do some self care immediately
to address my physical and/or emotional needs.
If I am hungry, I stop and eat.
If I am angry, I recognize that I am triggered, I feel my feelings, and discover what my underlying need is.
If I am lonely, I do something to meet my need for connection, perhaps through some safe social engagement or meditation.
If I am tired, I rest or take a nap.
If I am in pain, I acknowledge the pain and do what I can to alleviate it. (maybe an ice pack, a heating pad, or extra rest because pain is exhausting).
If I am triggered, I do some safety cues or other de-escalation techniques to de-escalate my reaction.
If I am sick, I need to get extra rest, nourish my body, and perhaps ask for some help.
If I am stressed, I slow down, take some deep breaths, send some safey cues to my brain, and recognize that I'm triggered.
I have found that when I am sick or in physical pain, even if I am doing the maximum self care, negative thoughts
(including victim thinking) seem to invade my brain, and there is really not much I can do about it.
I have learned not to take the thoughts too seriously. I know they will pass when the illness or pain is gone.
DECREASE STRESS
Since I am more vulnerable to triggering when I am stressed, I have found it helpful to decrease the amount of stress in my life.
On top of that, it is difficult to heal from trauma,
if our nervous system is constantly or frequently being bombarded by new threats or threat cues.
Reducing stress often requires some lifestyle changes.
No News
The news is often filled with threat cues that can increase our level of fear
and dysregulate our nervous system.
Many people on a healing journey, stop watching, listening to, and reading the news altogether,
trusting that any truly important news will reach them through word of mouth.
Some people's nervous systems can handle tuning into the news.
I let them be the witnesses.
No Rushing
Don't Do Urgent.
Don't hurry.
Don't rush.
Urgency can be very triggering to the nervous system.
Urgency is a common trigger for people with unresolved childhood trauma.
Urgency is also a common sign of being triggered.
Urgency can hook us onto the drama triangle.
I have learned to pause before reacting to a sense of urgency,
whether the urgency is internal or external.
I pause to think through the situation before saying yes to getting involved or helping.
Strangers, who bring their urgent situations to us, are often chaotic people.
If we let them, they will bring their chaos into our lives.
Say No
We learn that it is safe now to say no when we mean no (and to say yes when we mean yes).
We stop people-pleasing.
Many of us have struggled with being too nice and trying to never upset anyone.
That stresses our nervous system, causing a lot of issues for us.
In his book, The Body Says No, Gabor Mate says that many chronic illnesses and deadly diseases
are caused by being too nice and not saying no. Eventually, the body says no for us.
No Is A Complete Sentence
When saying no, I have found that it is best to keep it as brief and simple as possible.
We do not need to explain or defend our No.
Here we do need to exercise some discernment, though.
For instance, when dealing with children, especially small children,
letting them know that it is not about them can reassure them
that we still love them.
If we are saying no to a person, whom we suspect cannot understand or respect our boundaries
(or who has previously demonstrated that they cannot) then it is best not to offer any explanation.
Often it is the very people, who demand to know why we are saying no,
who are the most incapable of understanding or respecting our boundaries.
Explaining ourselves to them will not help. They will just argue with us.
(They might argue with us even if we do not give an explanation.)
Malignant people also exist, who may try to use our explanation against us.
Don't Invite Them In
Getting too close to people too fast can lead to problems.
The world is full of dysregulated, dysfunctional people.
It is not a matter of attracting them or not.
They are everywhere and everyone encounters them.
But not everyone will get super close and friendly with them.
For those of us, who grew up around dysregulated, dysfunctional people,
they seem totally normal to us.
We get real friendly really quickly.
We chat with them for a long time.
We hang out, go places and do things with them.
We invite them over to our house.
We let them move in, or we move in with them.
We sleep with them. We marry them.
To people, who didn't grow up in a dysfunctional environment,
dysfunctional and dysregulated people appear abnormal,
and they will naturally gravitate away from them,
disengaging as quickly as possible.
As we heal, we learn to develop discernment and stop engaging with problematic,
drama-filled people.
This reduces our exposure to dysregulated nervous systems.
Disengage
As for the dysfunctional or frequently dysregulated people already in my life,
I have learned how to quietly reduce and limit my contact with them (detach with love).
I do not need to get permission or inform them about what I am doing.
According to Patrick Teahan, one of the definitive symptoms of childhood trauma is that, as adults,
we try to make difficult people be good to us.
I do not do that anymore.
Now I recognize the limitations of others (without judgement) and act accordingly.