Limits
The key to sustainability is to do things with limits.
Having healthy limits makes things sustainable.
Some Examples:
- Eat, sleep, relax and exercise with limits.
- Work and play with limits.
- Save, spend and repay debts with limits.
- Reach out to others with limits.
- Help others with limits.
- Persevere with limits.
- Be vulnerable with limits (choosing safe, trustworthy people).
When we have healthy limits, our positive intentions are more likely to get positive results.
We switch into different healthy roles in life, when there is a change in needs for ourself or others.
Choice
We maintain a level of participation in activities and commitments that is balanced and sustainable
over time, knowing that we have the choice to adjust our participation level in response to
changing needs, inspiration, or special circumstances.
Boundaries
Boundaries are internal affairs. They are meant to be internal, not external.
That means we set boundaries around our own behavior, not around the behavior of other people.
Healthy Boundary Styles
Jovanna Casey speaks of the following 6 Solution Boundary Styles.
- Firm - You Set and maintain limits that are non-negotiable. You are clear with yourself about what you want and what is important to you. You maintain your stance even if others hassle or argue, and you follow through with your game plan. You stay solid in the face of conflict.
- Flexible - You know what you want and state it clearly. You are genuinely open to listen and get curious about how to work together. You are happy and calm after the final agreement is made. Once you have decided to negotiate your initial plan, you really do let go and are happy with the outcome. You are open to all possibilities. You let go trying to control people. You compromise.
- Disengaged - You peacefully and consciously decide to break off your current connection, either for the moment or permanently. You disconnect from someone else and pull your focus inward. You do not need to get the agreement or permission of the other person for you to use Disengaged - you do not even need to tell them what you are doing. You learn to enjoy being with yourself.
- Engaged - You are doing something to open the door to connection. You might be reaching out with friendliness or empathy. Or you might be responding by opening up and sharing. When you initiate you are being empathic, interested or friendly. You are vulnerable, open and sharing. You make eye contact and respond to others. You reach out to give or receive.
- Assertive - You stand out, speak up and are seen. You make waves. You can be funny, loud, subtle, playful or abrupt. You take action, make noise and inspire others. You are a change maker and a leader. You take charge and express your point of view. You bring up something you want to do and present it in a way that influences others to join you on your quest. You learn to enjoy disagreements. You are willing to take a risk.
- Yielding - You are in the flow. You enjoy being part of the crowd and easily blend in. You have no agenda. You enjoy being in the moment. You are receptive to what life has to offer and just ride the waves. You are open and curious and accepting. And you are a master at adapting as you weave your way in and out of an array of situations. You flow with what is happening. You follow the example of others. You relax and enjoy.